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Thursday, March 25, 2010

Selling Ice to an Eskimo

My "pre-sale" goal for the Fit America event is $1500. The event is tomorrow. So far, I have "pre-sold" exactly $0 worth of merchandise. Believe me, it's not for lack of trying.

Here's an example of an average attempt on my part.

Huge woman buying socks: "Are these the biggest socks you have?"
Me: "They're all the same size. But yes, those do look slightly larger than the others. By the way, do you know we do bra fittings here? And if you buy bras during the Fit America event, we donate $2 per bra to a breast cancer research organization."
Her: "I did hear on Oprah this is the place to come for bra fittings."
Me: "Great! I'll get you fitted and then I'll show you Oprah's favorite bra."
Her: (eyes glittering with excitement) "That sounds perfect!"

I get her in the fitting room, measure her at a 42 DD, and grab fifty or so bras for her to try.

Her: "Oh, I can't wear any with an underwire." That narrowed the choice to two, which I put her in.


Her: "No, no, even these are uncomfortable. They're burning! I hate them! You know what? I just cannot do this. I'm a nudist. I barely ever wear clothes, let alone bras. Can I just make a donation to the breast cancer research organization?"
Me: "Ummm...I don't know. Let me find my manager."




Which is indicative of my life in the Lingerie Department. I get maybe three customers a day. One will be a nudist, another will be a hundred-year-old woman who doesn't understand the concept of the "pre-sale," and the third will be a tourist who is leaving before the event.

Ladies and germs, working in the Lingerie Department is a bitch.

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